Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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