Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
