Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
