actually, I'm a sock model
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
