i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You're earring is so big in my mouth
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
