So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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