Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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