if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
