According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
