Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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