just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize