you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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