I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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