U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
