If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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