census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
