Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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