An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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