I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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