I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
