she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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