We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
