I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
