nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
