The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
