I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
