so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
