Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
