I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
