I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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