My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
