your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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