You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
