Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
