hell yes lets make some ravioli
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
