If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize