im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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