Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
