I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
