my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
