My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
