you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
