my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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