youre lurking in front of me
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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