You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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