she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
