i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
