I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
