What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
