turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
