Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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