is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
try to milk me bitch
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