dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
