I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
