i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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