dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
