I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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