and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize