She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
