Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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