Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
