I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize