if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Swine flu is the new snow day.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
