there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
