Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
