is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Sext me about skeletons
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
