some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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