Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
