you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
