i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
