your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
