I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
