well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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