textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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