Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
