Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize