i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
