i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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