i barfeds in our rink
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
