erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
