the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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