When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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