my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
