Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
