I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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