I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
my sisters under your porch take her home
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
