It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just googled if crying burns calories
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
